Portions for Foxes

We all have tinges of regret. It is about the manifestation of how much happiness it brings upon our reality that drives our core human experience to its potential. The unfortunate aspect of its function however lies around its ability to give back some diminishing returns. If one considers the decadent lifestyle of the consumption of all the joyous things in life without providing in return, then the collective essence of our satisfaction as a community suffers as a whole. We derive so much pleasure from so many things and so many sources in so many places, wherever we could, and thus we forget that feelings and emotions too are finite in nature. As powerful a concept that love is, it is not enough on its own to silence the murmurings of the soul. Moments of drought open us to the reality of our addiction. We slowly lose ourselves piece by piece in the process. We lose the ability to think rationally. Some of us allow it to subside on its own, but some of us just wallow into its lair for longer than necessary. It tests the very limits of our humanity, and a huge portion of us are ill-equipped to handle such demotivations. Our reactions to it range from hysterics to discombobulations to chronic depression. We then realise that regrets too have their own measuring scale for its brand of diminishing returns.

These feelings of emptiness are oftentimes deceivingly temporary. To a certain extent we must realise that these native values serve their own purpose as well. One must learn to nurture the pains and agonies in order to move forward with the strength and conviction one hopes to achieve. One must take the appropriate time and effort to ruminate upon such tribulations if one hopes to to overcome such endeavours. People take kindly to the fact that such experiences are arbitrarily antagonistic, but it does not necessarily have to be the case constantly. Most of the time things happen because we forget to provide to ourselves and amongst others the same value and veracity that we desire in return, and neglect the possibility that such actions usually never coincide with our own expectations of the reality. Nothing is ever certain nor fair. We have to continue providing without expecting anything in return, and that perhaps the reimbursement comes at a later point in time when we least expect it to. It is an unfortunate reality of life that we must learn to accept. Some people will have a higher degree of compensation more than others. Everything around one might be messed up, in every sense of the word, but there will never be any reason good enough to justify not trying to make life better still. One can never be too happy in life. An ironic statement coming from the least decadent consumer of happiness in this world as it stands. One must seize any opportunity to be happy, and too many times we fail, scavenged for our own vulnerabilities, but we must carry on regardless.

The recognition of human experiences can also lead to mutual understandings, regardless of the virtue of language and communication and respect. Earlier today I had met with an elderly homeless lady in a plaza. She stood there under the assumption that begging would provide her with the means to satisfy her immediate need for whatever purpose she deemed fit. There was no way for me to understand her words, but her gestures seemed to indicate the very basic understanding of exchange. I had gestured in return that there was nothing that I could provide her with the need she was hoping for unless I understood clearly what it is, but in this short span of time, we formed a bond despite the clear obstacle. I went about continuing my own business unhindered and so did she. Later on, she passed by once more to wave at me and say her hellos before walking away, and in that moment a certain shade of glee overcame me for a few good seconds before another person came to speak to me for another request. None of these were able to masquerade the pain I felt ever since I arrived here in this lovely island, but it was welcoming to know that there was a little bit of intimate moment of mutual recognition between a meeting of two human beings in their different trajectories in life. I do not consider myself better than that woman. I do not even know her, let alone understand what she is going through, but I love her for recognising me in such a way I did not realise I needed in this very particular instance in my life. For that, I am, and will always be, thoroughly grateful.