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Showing posts from May, 2010

Awfully familiar

Oh yes, you may not have noticed it sooner but I am a great pretender. Pretending that I'm doing well. Like that creepy classic song I remember my parents singing on karaoke. Truly horrible. Just my type of song, heh. Resorting to lies in order to not be looked down upon and belittled. I get that often. It's not the kind of thing you'd want to admit as these are skeletons in the closet you'd dare not open. But I deal with it every single conversation I have with people. It's becoming a part of me now. I can change, I know, but is it really worth it now? I highly doubt so. This one girl made me think about the consequences of my drastic actions, and I fear I may no longer be able to make any more connections for doing such ridiculous heresy.
Sigh. Conversations are charming. The boring, the better.


God of War Collection has kept me occupied this weekend. Stuck within my room with nothing else but a controller, a console and a silly, smelly boxer short. I was planning on having a jog earlier today but my cold feet hesitated. God damn it, I need to be un-lazy! I need to do something beyond the realm of my room-bore-kingdom! I need to be relevant! I need to get laid! Have impact on the world stock market! On celebrity blind items! Red carpet premieres! What fucking ever. Just. Get. Me. The. Hell. Out. Of. Here.

Solution Cairo

I would probably make a lousy movie adaptation as myself. There's hardly any backdrop of coherent plot. No damsels in distress to rescue and no sidekicks to bully. Everything is hideously mediocre. Nothing is necessary anymore.

Awkward shift in the system

Something unusual is happening. I have no idea what it is. Ever since jejemom came everything just died. The effect is ubiquitously resilient. People act different, places are rather unaccommodating. It's like nothing ever happened! Back to the drawing board! I don't want to cuss but.. 
.. FUCK!

Never give up

Forget all the nasty things I've said about the girl who blew me off, she doesn't really deserve it. As a matter of fact, I like her again. She is really nice, as proven by a similar friend. The thing that keeps me going now is to try to be nice as much as I can and for her to notice the effort. That, of course, is with all sincerity.
The only sucky thing now is that if they all found out I'm a great pretender. Pretending that I'm doing well.

Open your mind and be adventurous

The overall turnaround of the daynight fiasco was some points shy from being the best day of my entire stay here. It was wholesome, dynamic and at times preposterous. Being with these people, it's becoming more and more different than being, say, in the old country where the horse is the only fun and the laughs are dirt cheap. It is growing steadily within me. It's refreshing, like squall rising up my nose. It's amazing what time can do in a highly dependent spat like me. And it's even more amazing what I can do about it.
The only double-edged blade I worry now is Oscar. I no longer have the proper and rational thinking in handling him. I pity him. He's sickly and he's sad, badly scarred spiritually and all.

Back to nonconformist form

I just re-energized right about now after taking quite a long bath, probably took me an hour and a half. You wouldn't want to know what I do inside the tank. Leave it to your imagination. Or not. Your call. 
I feel like a new person ready to begin anew. Although, there are still lots to deal with inside my own room itself. Sadly I wasn't able to go to the studio earlier today. No hush, some things are better left unworried. Today is Audrey Hepburn's birthday. It would have been very nice to meet her personally while she was still here. I truly admire all her works. She ranks high amongst show business women in my book, probably numero uno. I can't even think of one runner up to go against her. 
Three days straight of listening to Franco and I really felt suffocated by angst and fuelled by desire to become relevant. I can't wait what this can do to myself. Even I cannot say what. Not yet.

Embrace the natural. Remedy is not conditional.


It's been quite awhile since I last talked about my jejemom. Last we spoke was around first quarter of 2010 and there were no pleasantries shared between us, only heartbreaks and frustrations. She is coming home to us next week perhaps, I really wouldn't know. She's been away for months without communication.Well, she tried, I didn't. I'm as stiff as Ron Jeremy's penile function. If they ask me is the pain fading away now? I really cannot say. I wouldn't want to assume it did. It works better this way. More respect, less bullshit. But it doesn't mean I hate hate her. I just hate her. Same as how Helga Pataki feels about hers, one way to put it. There are a variety of different reasons why it is the way it is. It's kind of sad to put into perspective since she is the woman-cause of my petty conception. That doesn't mean though that I'm supposed to be a slave to circumstance, am I?
She's stubborn as a mule or a sloth or a cat or a pig (no p…