Lazy from C-Z

Quaking at the boots, part two, mostly delayed. I am over the moon and under the sun, washing waves, breaking thunder, and a murderous desire for love. The first one was a major disaster and swallowed my mental health whole, pushing me back for months in disarray. It was self-inflicted but nevertheless this time I did not want this to overshadow the presence of whatever was coming, and come it shall, with righteous fervour, down to my throat and into the belly of the beast. Turkey, be kinder with me than Spain.

One could say that this next few days are well-earned rests, but not when it meddles with the financial aspect of it. Would have been apropos to assume that the holidays were meant for making cash, not celebrations. It is the best and only time not to be burnt out by work. Alas the tragedy of working under, not over, a certain playing field requires no qualms in participation. You get a pat in the back and a bottle of wine and go home and feel proud of it. My days in Alanya are sure to be a spectacle, if only I can stomach the anticipation. There is nothing I would not do to get to this point, and now I am almost there, albeit mildly infuriated by the anticlimax of it all. Those days are over. This was the cause indeed, and I must need fortify myself for future endeavours associated with it. This will be my salvation, not a pity fuck, where words are drawn and sins are forgiven and making space for new ones as we go, as we march forward to the reality of where we currently are, that no

The end is coming of what was allegedly supposed to be the best year of my life by far, and it seems farfetched now to imagine why I believed such nonsense. The whole notion of believing that having an amazing year right after last year's end is quite painfully absurd. More absurd than believing that I still have a few more days to commit before it kaputs into the annals of history, and still somehow I believe in the strength of conviction. I will have my final attempt at joyous victory in the company of Ani in Alanya, or so I hope. So far, so good. All the world I have seen before me passing by. Perhaps it is time, once more, to stop worrying about myself and learn to optimise love, with me or against.