Skip to main content


Today I am going talk about nothing because that's all there is really. What is it about nothingness that is so alluring most people have it but also doesn't have it at the same time? And is there a choice whether or not you are lucky or unlucky to be one of the very many chosen ones to suffer the same fate? I will try to avoid speaking intellectually for the sake of the masses, not that I'm implying I have any, but to make it a lot more easier and simpler for all the busybodies out there unaware of the possibilities that someday life will also be nothing for them. What is it that drives us? What is it that does not? Nothing. A word so empty yet full of definition. Make something out of nothing kind of philosophy. Will there be any chance of irrefutable evidence that nothing is also something? How about everything?

Ironically, nothing is something because it is most often used as an indefinite pronoun. Therefore, it stands for something, whatever nothing is, or it is not. It is like when I say, 'Nothing is worse than my pathetic-infested soul.' Is nothing merely no thing? Or is it possibly a thing? Questionable as it may seem. It is no wonder that I have a strange fascination in the world of Nietzsche, that philosopher, yes. He is often associated with nihilism which, for a lack of better definition, believes in the worst possible scepticism for existence in general. I don't really know but somehow I am drawn to that belief and it somehow takes its shape and form into my own. That which to my existence lies wherein my faith is absent it is predominant and alive. The only thing that is missing are the right words to fit it all together and come up with something (or nothing) that will give value to what is already in place and what isn't. Sometimes I wonder the potential I could achieve if given that valuable chance, but I have all the chance in the world! That's the sad part! Where has that potential I've been seeking all along be lurking about? Or is it already in me and I fail to grasp and understand its limitedness? How do I start? Where do I begin? Will I ever even begin it? How do I end that which I so loathe now?

In the end nothingness is more about the question whether or not that something which is already established establishes another form from nothing to something. That is how I interpret that idea which will ultimately glorify all those conceived ideas I have had ever since. Despite that dilemma I will continue to dwell into these lifelong passion into ideas and somehow put them simply into words that are so maniacally difficult to attain. But first, I have to go to the bathroom, crap and shower, make use of all the nice things I bought the other day from the drug store, make myself look pathetic in front of a live, imaginary audience and continue to blabber on about the state of stupidity and pretend inferiority to encourage the arrogance.

Popular posts from this blog


Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.

Me: Things that have happened to other people are happening in mine, the worst truly has come and not a moment too soon

My important wishes always happen to fall on deaf ears, and now something really, really bad (that has already happened before) is happening to me again. Beneath all the charade of misleading coulrotic bliss is a sad sap of a man merely wanting a bit of trust from everyone around him. Yesterday's news was Mioseon all over again, and it has drained me of all strength. The worst really has come, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.
So it goes without saying that the biggest tragedy I have ever undergone in my life is fighting for the life of my child whose face I will never see. The most perplexing event was having to beg over and over unknowingly oblivious to the fact that my words carry no weight at all. Mioseon had trapped me into a corner and made me complicit to a sin I tried very hard to disavow. Regardless, she had found a way, and judging from that experience, Miriam herself will submit me to the same torture all over again, guilty by association.
For some reason this wa…

Me: At ease, the worst of the worst has yet to come

The wind was cold today, a Sunday, a proper start to September. We are within these months again. The road to the end of a very short year. A year for me where very little was accomplished. At the very least, compared to the previous one, this was a surprise blessing. Not without its challenges. Not without its pains.
Miriam went to work an hour ago. We left each other at Starbucks after a mild break. I was trying to help her with the buses. She never seems to catch on with the intricacies of the public transportation. I let her know that the easiest (not necessarily the fastest) way to work is to take the 260 bus from across the street in our new place in East Acton and stop at the underground station in Shepherds Bush. From there, she can then take bus 94 going to Piccadilly Circus where she can easily walk to her workplace in Soho in about five minutes or so.
She begged me to join her. I was still groggy and asleep at two in the afternoon. That seems to be our common waking up pat…