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Blessing in disguise

Although my holiday, despite not having finished yet, is arguably the worst I have ever had, a blessing in disguise in the form of an old flame came out of nowhere and surprised me with a hello and that was that. I now have reason to keep going again. I cannot justify the intention of that said person for contacting me but I feel obliged to be very fortunate of being remembered even as far as my birthday in two or three months' time. We were almost without communication for a year or so due to miscommunication and my pathetic excuse for a joke that ended up in a sour tone which eventually led to our demise. She was as pure as a dove, in search for the bountiful loots life has in offer, and I was a rogue looking for some gold and damsel to abuse. But she changed me in lots of ways normal people would not dare go beyond into especially when you talk about my relationships with people in the past. It's a huge step and a big rebound to my optimism, but sadly, like all other sad love stories, she is currently engaged to somebody else. Funnily enough, I used to refer to her when people ask me as 'the one that got away.' Indeed she got away and I was but to blame for everything. When she invited me over to her place (which rarely ever happens to me most especially women), I would say no in shame for the people she is living with, the parents, the brother, the dog, and I would only ask in return, 'what for?' and she would say to talk, eat, have fun, all that type of bullshit that I honestly have been aching for to share with another person with. And, of course, hesitant as I am, again I said no. And that was that. End of faggotry.

We tried laughing once more of the times past. I tried hard not to overstep my territory which usually happens abruptly and ends everything in utmost unease. Once again I had the chance to dwell on our petty silliness which I oh so love, every single moment gives me elation beyond all else. I am but a fool as I most commonly say and she was, too. There was a time I used to address to her in my mind as gold beaver, another form of those people characteristics or behaviour that I detest, but she proved me wrong. Big time. That was one of my other mistakes. That is what made me the loser that I am today. That is what I try to avoid as much as possible with my interaction with newfound acquaintances. It's quite tough, especially abroad, where culture is highly dependent on traditions, norms and mores. It takes time to crack up. Sometimes I get the right set of mood for a certain type of group and sometimes I try certain things to another group and end up in a very distasteful way. Sometimes I try to be bad and it's okay and then I try to be good but then certain impressions become uptight and unreasonable, with me in the middle of it all.

I don't know if a deity has observed me quite recently and thought of me merciful and pathetic, I would usually say I don't really need their help or whatever, but in this case, if it is indeed their work then thank you for giving me this one-time opportunity and I hope it is not just a one-time opportunity. Come on. Do better than that. My body and mind longs for a new chapter of obstacles to overcome. These which they gave me has served their purpose already and served it well. Move along and make it a whole lot less depressing this time. If possible, make it maddening. That would probably help me tremendously with my career in the future depending on specific circumstances. Oh well. Whatever you decide. I'm here.

Post script: I didn't go out this boxing day. It's Sunday, too lazy as usual to go out and I know stores close earlier than normal at this day so why bother. Probably for the better to save money for the new year celebration, if there is one. I wish. Anybody reading this better help me with this cause. I'm like a prisoner in my own backyard. I don't even have a backyard.

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