Lazy from C-Z

Smiles wherever, smiles are free. Jungle life for the Christmas tree. Blue moon, blue sod, blue wind; fighting through the flesh, diminishing strength, and solidifying procrastination. Nampo-dong, how I miss thee. A cup of cake, a Red Velvet, and an ever-friendly face. Is it true? You are my saviour, my light, when all else faded. Why. Why you. Why did it have to be you? How close was I to sin when the tape ran smooth on my prickly and battered fingers? Weeks and weeks I laboured, and weeks I endured the wrath of longing. The moth torched her wings when I ignited it ad hoc. It was not my intention. It was all for the subject of love.  And now it's over. The lights have come. We run away from things which we quickly realise are nothing but herrings. Christmas in Nampo-dong is for love and healing; but my heart is reeling, and my tears are killing. It's over now. Or is it? Is it the love that I feel which is inextinguishable? Mioseon. Charm. Tough as nails; colla...

It gets easier. But not as easy and as perfect as the fantasy shapes itself to be. Hardly anything that comes out of the horse's mouth turns into an orgasmic shape of affection and trust but instead of travesty and more torture. To top it all off, I clamour for the next high, or low, depending on one's point of view. It's mental exhaustion. I don't think January is a time where goodbyes will become a forlorn thing. Indecisiveness, which has quite intermittently become a common denominator of my minute existence, serves as the main catalyst for the recipe of disaster that is about to be concocted. And every single person I meet over the course of these three months will become an accessory to this vile foolishness. I went to Lzone again to pass my time. Having no cash with me is a primary reason to go about it. It was well worth it. I learned a couple of pointers on how to go about the remaining days of my stay here. Who knows where that takes me? Nothing makes ...

  The Happiest Me 

2:46 AM here. What am I doing? I have no fucking clue. What's my plan? I have no fucking clue. What am I waiting for? A miracle, that's what I'm waiting for. A goddamn miracle.   There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me in this city, and yet I clamour every single day for two months now. What it is that I am searching for I always tell Rina that it's destiny that I'm waiting for, bursting from the tip of my tongue and into my heart, to calm the nerves and to waver my suffering from this godawful situation. Like Johnny in Naked , I gallivant to allow the opportunity of life to pass me by, to give meaning to the bits and pieces of nothingness that surround not just me but everyone else around me. It's funny, sometimes I want to lean to God for guidance, but what can that do the reality of the situation. If it was meant to be, it's going to happen either way.   Will I ever hear from Mioseon again? I was watching old videos of us in Youtube. A...

Hi there.   It's been a weird week for me over here in Busan. Literally nothing happened. No memories made whatsoever. I spent it all thinking about heartbreaks and miseries hiding in a hole within a stall in Seomyeon. Penniless and free, there is nothing productive about me at all. I'm dreaming of winning it all, winning the world over, winning Mioseon back. Winning mostly the impossible, I guess.   Christmas is coming soon. How can an alien fool like me spend it in the warm company of this city? The dry cold has nothing to offer but regrets, mulling and weeping over past mistakes. 2013 has been the worst year so far in my life. Love makes everything so complicated and painful. Tomorrow comes a new weekend and nothing awaits me but envy. Why should I be envious of other people's joy? Why is everyone seemingly so gleeful despite the cruel hams of this glorious local society? I met people on Monday that may matter, but not in the long run. My trousers haven't ch...

Sabrina and I are finding a way to go to Seoul with minimal costs for just a short amount of time. A Christmas visit, 'tis all. Bored out of our wits, I would say. There are plenty of things in Busan but nothing that concerns us now. I have no clue what to do and even as we speak I find myself stuck inside a PC bang here in Seomyeon for almost 36 hours now straight. I need to find a way to return to my Hobbiton soon. Desolation of Smaug is coming to theatres soon. It was almost yesterday when me and Mioseon watched the first film at Odeon in Leicester Square. It was a lovely evening. Lately I've been binging on Jeeves and Wooster to pass my time. Cheerio.

Staying in Seomyeon is not as merry as it should. It only feeds my sadness more. I'm always thinking about what Mioseon is doing at the moment, or if she is still scared of me for some reason. But she apparently moved on, seems like. There is no indication she hasn't. And if for some fault it is only in my part that I cannot find a wonderful future then this indeed is a fucked up life. I came to Seomyeon in part of Sabrina's charm and to cool off from that one weird incident.  Nothing happens here. But last night I've been told by the trendy and fashionable citizens of Busan that I am also fashionable and trendy in a more sincere manner than I've ever had, albeit showerless and stink-prone.

After the incident last night with Mioseon and her father and all, I woke up feeling wheezy and tired and I just had to let it all pass for some time. A wee bit of time off. Sabrina and Oliver and me planned to go to church. Spoiler: We didn't go. Oliver did. Sabrina and I found ourselves stranded in Nampo-dong, finally. After a long, long time. It was nice to show her around Nampo-dong, Rina and I. Felt a bit local-ish for a few minutes. A true Nampo-saram, felt like. Of course I just had to show her BIFF Square. The busy, bustling street food scene and the market vibes of Busan during Sunday overwhelmed us both. We did quite a lot. We started with coffee and a cupcake in dear, old Red Velvet. Nice to see familiar faces roaming about. Kinder ones now, unlike the passively hostile ones in Sinpyeong.  We walked quite a lot going from here to there. I kept on searching for the banana-que that was supposed to be near Bupyeong but I could not, for the life of me, find it. We s...

Shinsegae  I saw her today at half past five. She was beautiful as always, wore the classiest getup I've ever seen her sport, and she was walking towards the tube station heading towards somewhere. This was my opportunity to try to speak to her for probably the last time, but when she caught a glimpse of me walking towards her, she just dashed madly towards the first taxi she saw.  There is no end to this pain, I reckon. She's never interested in wanting to explain why it has come to this.  By the time she was about to come home at around eleven at night, she probably asked her father to fetch her and he eventually caught on me, like I was some kind of a criminal. I walked away not wanting any commotion and they met and went home soundly.  Why can't these people just understand my misery? I need answers to move on. I need help the only way I know how.  She's probably moved on farther than I have ever been. Safe in the arms of someone els...

Back to where I landed. There's been changes. Nothing changes. She's there, not there. I don't know. Sometimes I can feel her through the window and that feeling is defenestrated by the desire to do something else less boring. She haunts me, all the time, even while I slumber. When I do remember her, a cocktail of rage and love concocts itself to provide me a dose of sadness. December, promises.

Tell me what I should do. I don't want to wake up every single time without a thing to do and nowhere to go. My thoughts wander and it seems there is no more turning back. I'm a horrible person. There is no one more cowardly than I am. Your plan wouldn't work. Then tell me what I should do. I don't want to be speaking to this machine rather than someone else. This trip was supposed to be a mission, not a lazy party. Sometimes luck inspires a good person to turn bad. It is until someone suffers that we find ourselves crying over spilled shit. How long have I been staying here in Seomyeon? How long has it been since then? Long enough. I need to restart my quest, but it's very cold outside and my money is running out quickly. No one will help you except Austria. I don't know how to repay Austria, for the kindness and support. It's the end of the line. Take a chillstep and rest for now, young gun. Let's fight a good fight when you wake up. ...

"The contingency is a remote one, sir." In any circumstances, I should get my mission in action. The weather and conditions denounce my concentration. Seomyeon is a distraction; so to are my desires; failure methods and weather underpinnings. There she is; somewhere only she knows. I would love to catch forty winks and four proper. Tickle my ankles and eavesdrop over the mobile phone. Stick to it, 니또참. Put your mind into it.

Cannot escape vendetta. Back to square one. There's no news of anything at all and I'm wasting so much time and effort over nothing. Frustrations are bound to develop and cold weather never aids anyone in this dire quest, terrible anguish and futility nonewithstanding. The people are somewhere far beyond the outskirts of Busan wanting to take part of an orgy of fulfilment and money is the great denominator. Everyone in this country revolves around consumerism and advertisement. Look beyond left and you're back again in center. Just like me. Left turn towards the dark side. Revolve and it's still always dark beyond the joy and smiles of companionship.

Backpacking is an excuse to withstand the desire of human interaction and avoid overbearing apathy. Sometimes it feels very sad to realise that others are lonelier than thou without even having to ask. It's just a spontaneous flame kindling itself from within the inner spirit of this and that. Old souls wandering in search for a bite, hiding beneath a veil of independence and spontaneity, hopping from coast to coast and learning from the fetishistic desires of life's masochistic tendencies, laughing and drinking on their way to more shallow and mindless experiences to fill the gaps missing.   Whatever it is I'm searching for, it can only be answered with love. Yes or no. Yes and no.

Should have done this sooner. There are very little details left to recall by now. So many words to say, so little recollection. She's gone, and now my watch has began. Two more months or vagrancy; barely living, barely breathing.   There is fun in even the smallest things, I found, but even then cannot fill the hole left behind by the loss of my first true love. Malice has overcome me; the everlasting demand for justice; equal measures. Now I surround myself with new people, new experiences, but still feeling like a sushi on a stick. How do I begin to rekindle my passion now? Where do I find that which is my destiny and that thing that I truly came here for? Mioseon is gone. She disappeared. Into an abyss of neverending hide-and-seek. I do not want to seem like a creep; my dignity suffers tenfold everytime the thought frolicks by.   It is the end of me. What if time with Mioseon Park was the happiest day of my life and all I look forward to now is sic...

Two more days and I'll be bikepacking in Busan. Hopefully I can find Mioseon somehow. It would be a tragic waste were it not so. Three months is a long time. Something else is bound to show up. But I'm fucking nervous.

Let's do this now.

My life will certainly not be reassured of any penance after starting this Korean odyssey, but it will certainly jumpstart it into a different setting and a new beginning. It's been taking so long to fix this and I fear that my vendetta will be sorely disappointed with the results. Protip: It's going to be a train wreck.  I haven't told Mioseon yet and I don't intend to anytime soon. My plan was to come guns blazing and see things for myself in unadulterated sight. This is to feed my paranoia, the thing that keeps me alone in a dark room as a self-proclaimed hikikomori . A couple of days before the hour of reckoning, and I feel a strange sensation that everything that I've ever worked for will self-destruct right before my eyes. I'm so fucking stoked that I ate a bagful of my own fingernails in excitement. Money. It all falls down to money. Once my visa arrives, I head down immediately to the Korean embassy and wait for confirmation. Then from London I...

Fire had its beliefs that one day a progenitor of man will discover it and change the whole perspective of the world. Fire has never changed, it has always been the same. But the fire in the heart of man has.  This infinite fire is invisible, fighting to gather the inconspicuous desire to live free, and it holds the key to the purpose of man's existence. People began referring to this anomaly as the 'god' which creates the idea of our basic understanding. All people are made of this frozen flame, and all people are made up of water more than a half. Despite this paradox, we have come to terms that 'god' works in mysterious ways. And in this form all things, good and bad, come and go. 

Day started early, this and that. Lingered in the library for an hour or so reading a Tron graphic novel. Returned the book I borrowed earlier on without even reading. Bored out of my wits, I went inside Westfield to shop around. Grabbed a juice drink and left. Tube burned like hell and my rucksack was full of heavy shit. Had another hour or so waiting for the small guy, smoking, thinking, Mioseon. Fight the good fight, we did. Megabus, left at two, arrived at seven, delayed due to traffic. Still fought, Mioseon and I, along the way. Skies were dark and wet and drizzly. Walked towards the first hostel we could, got denied upon booking. Small guy fool did not carry any legal identification with him. We had to move out as the weather worsened. Had to find shelter and fast. Walked towards the centre leading us to a hostel called The Bunkhouse. Such a candid display of originality. We checked in for the night. Popped a Glock to our groove for that night. Went to a Wetherspoon's pu...