Skip to main content

Destierro

I would have killed myself at that time. I would have killed myself and killed them both at the same time. From that point onwards the gun I was holding heated up in my grip like meat on grill struggling to calm the offended nerves. The moaning and the betrayal became apparent that everything in life would end at that particular moment. All the hardships I endured in the past do not equate to the anguish and sorrow that I felt. There was only the intention to kill and be killed. This downfall would be my last.

Badly shook up I bent my elbow and lifted my arm up to aim the pistol at them both. Tears which for years did not show up suddenly had the audacity to surprise me at the last minute. It was time to end it all right then and there. 

I fired the gun instantly killing the perpetrator and my best friend. My aim wanders across the room dazed by the disbelief of having to bear the truth and pain brought on by the situation. Shrieking in horror, she immediately pulls away his lifeless shaft from her cunt, cowers beneath the sheets begging and weeping all bloodied up from the spray of life juice leaking from the corner of the left ear. My heart was pounding endlessly, an overbearing ecstatic emotion that engulfed my newfound nihilism. She cried for mercy, the pistol at hand still burning up with desire for violence. I fired a shot at the ceiling just to calm my senses, my lips were already tightly sealed. No words can comfort what was left of any rational choice. Her breasts dongle behind the curtains where she sticks, those which were once my own property but now wasted, expendable, and rubbish. Her face was hideous by the smeared makeup all over, sobbing, wailing and all pathetic.

I had to fire the pistol. It was mandatory and to not do it would only increase the guilt that was already abundant. But love, as terrible as any definition one could come up in relation to the word, overcompensated, and I would have her at least to be with my side through the thickest fog or the thinnest line. Sensing the will to improvise, I grabbed the scissor conveniently lying in the corner, came to her steadily as she struggles to break away. The strength discrepancy was fairly obvious. It was just meant to be.

I stabbed her in the back of the neck on the spine.

She crawls in desperation towards the door to run away but collapsed three seconds later.

Three weeks later she woke up in the same bed she fornicated with all dressed up and taken care of with me by her side. A smile was all that I could muster. She smiled in return and closed her eyes once more to rest.

We were never separate ever again until the day we died.

Popular posts from this blog

Unprayer

Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.

Me: Things that have happened to other people are happening in mine, the worst truly has come and not a moment too soon

My important wishes always happen to fall on deaf ears, and now something really, really bad (that has already happened before) is happening to me again. Beneath all the charade of misleading coulrotic bliss is a sad sap of a man merely wanting a bit of trust from everyone around him. Yesterday's news was Mioseon all over again, and it has drained me of all strength. The worst really has come, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.
So it goes without saying that the biggest tragedy I have ever undergone in my life is fighting for the life of my child whose face I will never see. The most perplexing event was having to beg over and over unknowingly oblivious to the fact that my words carry no weight at all. Mioseon had trapped me into a corner and made me complicit to a sin I tried very hard to disavow. Regardless, she had found a way, and judging from that experience, Miriam herself will submit me to the same torture all over again, guilty by association.
For some reason this wa…

Me: At ease, the worst of the worst has yet to come

The wind was cold today, a Sunday, a proper start to September. We are within these months again. The road to the end of a very short year. A year for me where very little was accomplished. At the very least, compared to the previous one, this was a surprise blessing. Not without its challenges. Not without its pains.
Miriam went to work an hour ago. We left each other at Starbucks after a mild break. I was trying to help her with the buses. She never seems to catch on with the intricacies of the public transportation. I let her know that the easiest (not necessarily the fastest) way to work is to take the 260 bus from across the street in our new place in East Acton and stop at the underground station in Shepherds Bush. From there, she can then take bus 94 going to Piccadilly Circus where she can easily walk to her workplace in Soho in about five minutes or so.
She begged me to join her. I was still groggy and asleep at two in the afternoon. That seems to be our common waking up pat…