Some days are filled with tedious nothingness that the only reprieve I can muster are the same things that I routined back when I had what resembles so close to life. Nowadays it has been somewhat a blur. Little things that pile up to turn into... a thaig of little things. Just like what it feels pretending to be Russian dolls undulating in the peripheries of your windshield.
It has recently felt like an extreme change of pace from the way I lived my life before compared to where I find my position to be in at the moment. My greatest enemy all of a sudden are my basics of needs; food, shelter, companionship, camaraderie, and whatnot, etc. Not to say it is absent but it feels very antibody-like, and I am a pathogen. I am my own biggest autoimmune disease. My body fails me most of the time. I have been experiencing epistaxis, at the most random of times at that, more often than I bother to count. My head feels heavier due to which I reckon is lack of proper sleep, or a timeslot with which my sleeping pattern feels comfortable to manage. Blood is part of my body's unwanted hostility. I bleed when I poop, a tumour sits on my back like a wing that failed its growth, and I have been coughing more than a Vietnamese lovemelongtimer. I just can simply not be bothered to figure out what is wrong with me right now.
Today, for the second day in a row, I woke up to the face of Luisa greeting me with her wide smile. That was all it took for me to try to keep on living.