No word from the half. I'm guessing they're on course to the newfoundlands somewhere by now. It's the first day of the month and just exactly what I'm waiting for for some time now. Scratch that debt when it's due, all that. By tomorrow I'll be out of here as you know it, when all's been said and done. Somewhere far away from all of this. Didn't think I'd miss the solstar, feeling blue and sick, rushing to fetch a glass of natural water by the quayside. I'm frightened now, and I miss it, and I miss them all.
Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.