Day 21: Manipulation, Isolation, Apologies
The snake slithered down my neck, teeth clashing, bones shaking, tiptoes ringing the hallways in the dark. The lack of sleep and rest weakened my senses waiting for the moment that she'd wake up and rise to the call -- whatever. My libido was all that mattered to me, the snake said, when it crawled down to my heart. Hisssssssssssssss, it did, and hissssssssssssssssss, it beckoned. My heart tasted bittersweet with the essence of its venom rising through my neurosensory networks. Death awaits you, it whispered. No escape.
I looked towards my side. My muscles aren't half as bad as they think it is. Three bottles of urine greeted my sight. I turn away in disgust. I rise again to watch my whispers coming. Whispers of she, whispers of a familiar time I long to return. It's over, the snake whispered again.
Is this like a breakup? I voiced to the whispers.
The snake replied, even when not spoken to. Do you wish it was?
No, no, no, not at all, that's what I said. My being was stuck in its candour. I didn't mean it, even when I was mad.
And the snake said, I wish it was.
I fell down to my knees, squirmed to a ball, and I begged the pain to go away. Please. Not the first time I begged in my life, not the first time in that month, and certainly not the first time during that week.
I begged like a fool and I begged under three full moons. This was not a future that I had envisioned. It was all slipping away. All because of my libido. My libido made all the difference. My sexual urges destroyed my direction in life. The whispers were running away, into the deep mist, flying over the sky like a diamond in a bridge.
Three weeks of madness. This was only the beginning.
My hearse was empty and waiting. The snake has died, but its venom remained.
The snake died and I retained its being.
There is no end to the folly of pain.