Good Friday

-
This commemorative day marks the crucifixion and death of Christ.

It has been quite awhile since I last became heavily acquainted with matters pertaining to religion that I feel rather shamed of my actions. Nevertheless, I have always openly expressed my doubts to anything as extravagant as this topic. I consider myself an advocate of Objectivism thus rendering me in some ways a semi-atheist, involving myself in discussions that require faithful Christians to defend themselves and their belief. Semi in terms like wanting to but cannot. Convince me otherwise and maybe then we may come to terms.

One could make assumptions of my past as being a close and intimate associate of Catholicism being a knight of the altar during my school age, attending seminars that demand faithfulness to the Creator, together with my mother, who as I recently discovered is not only terribly misinformed of religion but also highly troubled as to the direction of her vow of faith. I was also lucky enough to go to Vatican, Rome seven years ago because of my affiliations, visiting sacred landmarks some may deem unfit for a man of my stature. Having stood tall across basilicas of Peter and Paul, catacombs in which early Christians cowered in fear for standing up for what they believe in, the Ice Stadium where our congress was held, meeting in plain eyes a living saint in Chiara Lubich, and having to spend an entire day playing, eating and making friends at St. Angelo's castle, where previous popes made slumber.

However, none of which made any impact to my own personal faith. It was mesmerizing and as per one would react be filled with awe. Perhaps I failed to grasp the purposiveness of it all. It felt numb. Nothing would make any sense.

Yet here I am clinging, hoping, trying to believe, in order to disassociate myself as a heretic and a blasphemer, at the same time without any feelings to back up to persevere this process of thought.

Give me a sign, give me something so that I may choose one from the other. If I should or shouldn't believe then give me any hint. I will gladly accept anything as long as the answer is authentic, precise and makes none of that 'just faith' bullcrap.

I'm waiting.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Man bites dog

-
Trying to make sense of slowly kicking things into gear. Making it make do is harder than it sounds. Feels like a carousel of wanting to go all in and making a mess of it and starting all the way back to zero; tail bites snake, man bites dog. It seems as if this purpose has no purpose tangentially, but it is slowly working its way back up, I do believe. Only in the chaos of it all does one permit itself the meaning of its purpose, to pick it up amongst the debris while all else is suffering intraordinarily, as it should be. No matter what the chaos brings, even the brittle mortality herein that is slowly withering.
Read more

Seed is strong

-
If the intention too close to the bone, I would have already done it. Amongst so many attempts, the results always seem to default to close but no cigars. This whole effort is fatiguing, if not intoxicating in equal measures. Tired of all the resistances and the rejections and the mindgames of it all. Otherwise it would have simply been a dire misunderstanding, which is an all too common motif when it comes to me, and apparently shared amongst so many others if I were to be completely blunt. Some of the seedlings have sprouted, even in such short amount of time.
Read more

Moonlight shines upon the guilty and innocent alike

-
Image
The sky tore its veil wide open, gasping, at the severe penalty of the accursed weather condition. 'I must not weep,' it cries. 'This pity party is never my most appealing trait.' Therefore he gave way for the ground to mature and thus making progress at the marvel of the greens. He stood on top overseeing the bounties its children may yet offer at the behest of the moon whose mischievous master ever burns brightly at the break of day. It gave way for life to flourish thus organisms began to roam the earth. Different species abound immediately at the development caused by the sky, and his pride bloomed even moreso, drawing more air into its cloudy bodies and helped sustained the new world around it. Like a nurturing mother whose task was to manifest love, it sparks its potential, hearken to their pious needs, and punishment for their indiscretions. Long lived harmony and prosperity. Burning for a reason to thrill, the sky willed itself to aim more higher in its desire
Read more