This too shall stay

We have heard of this before. The awkward pause tiptoes on my tongue as it grates on its own lack of indulgence. The deed is done. It did went well ever better than it did in Spain.

A week of excursions, full of emotions, the intense weight of heartspuns weaving arrogant torrents within a single point of failure. Where do I even begin? You wrap your head around it in the end and condense everything in a more mature endeavour. This fire suffocates, but that suffocation aspect is like a conundrum in itself. You will want to stay inside this microcosm and try to last for as long as you want. Everything is finite, for the good and the bad. And it often toys with the longing. Nostalgia in the face of someone you feel nostalgic about, and melancholy in the heat of the blissful intertwining of our lips wreathing in agonising ecstasy. I worry about where to go from here, back to the ever-moving sameness of the responsible you, rather than the ideal version of whom you portray yourself to be, because reality is a wall which I realise could be build in sequins to colourise the rather dull and blunt aspects of it. Alanya was this for me in many ways. Hard to tell how to organise this one for forward thinking. Now I worry about making it right rather than going with the flow.

There are so many things to arrange at home now, other than simply the physical aspects of it. We are looking forward to a shared reality. Maybe this was always meant to be. I think of it as I do of Turkish winter weather: unpredictability in the culmination of small things going together as it was deigned to be. To be nudged from an area or disposition to another. Little pieces of big things causing a million tiny consequences but resulting in one collective one. You think about how it was sculpted, despite being bruised and facing uncertainties. It is where it wills it to be, neither by fate nor causality, but a series of unorganised events collectivising. Just as we are of a single result of a wide network of biological wonders. An accident meant to be but also neither. It cannot be meant to be because it has no will on its own nor selfish thought, it simply just is.

I feared the blindness of the nights shared in perpetual bliss. Certainly I felt like I did not want to wear off the brand and make a routine about something so special. We crossed the line multiple times in order to discover the limitations. I had to learn to accept the things I wanted but sacrificed it ultimately for a greater good, and right now it is paying off well, or so for now I am thinking it is. Life is fickle. I broke another person's heart just to please the one I truly wanted, rose above the indecisiveness, and finally made that decision to go all in on the singular jugular. I imagine that the said person now arrives home safe and sound, and I too shall, because while this too shall pass, this too shall stay.