Crux

Feeling overwhelmed by a desire that far outweighs any of my previous expectations. Never toy with a heart is lesson learned, and how many times do I have to tell myself that? Perhaps I have overestimated my capabilities to recuperate. There is no looking forward. Had I been more socially inclusive to these unfathomable outcomes, I could literally have had people's sage advices, and it would have been more a party matter than an individual one, even though a large part of this dilemma has always been self-incurred. It was only Aurora who had warned me repeatedly of this, but where is this motivational speaker now? Lost to the flood of the selfsame ilk that came before her. I warbled my way out of favour, and in terms of sufficiency, I am lost to my own device. Here clamouring for an answer with no salvation nor hope. I am and will always be alone in my own defeatism.

I do love the love I feel. I do not appreciate the struggle of its helplessness, the method with which it was brought upon me, and the longevity of what might be fickle in nature, and seasteading a potential relationship that might not even amount to anything more than a simple hiccough in an annal of my time. I reside alone in this misfortune, and I will make my way out sooner or later, but everything else comes at a cost. There is no tale of wishes that never resulted in cautionary examples. Best let my subconscious be my sole guide. The path to Ainhoa is arduous, and my path is clear, and I must ferret out the cowardice inside me and be away with it now moreso than later. May this burden unite me body and soul in its uncertainty.