Like a stone

Nothing goes to plan and it is okay. I still feel copacetic amidst all uncertainty. Perhaps it is better off this way for now. I am not exactly the type to get bogged down by a single misfortune, and tragedy begets new beginnings, so a haircut to mark this end and beginning will suffice. Tonight will be a good time, perhaps. Maybe even tomorrow. It depends on the situation of the beau.

So at this very stage the intention is for the revitalisation of my senses. I am somewhat reawakened. And should this fleeting feeling be short-lived, then I raise a glass to zetsubou and dance merrily to chillstep. There needs to be some reconciliation between my two finer sides, lest it be mucked up into a gelatinous mess. 

My edda is finally underway. I had promised a certain someone of this. One epic divided into two subliminal parts. Seems nearly doomed to fail, I have a month to go, but to hell with it. My edda is coming!

But Ani will never be able to have a feel for it.

Dismay dawns upon my countenance upon its realisation. Nothing really surprises me anymore. Perhaps the next one will be the only one I will ever need.

To be here where I am, awaiting every corner of the globe of the sweetness of her dew, and to be able to imbibe of it? What a rush.

My jests with Aurora bothers me still. Tonight and tomorrow can potentially be avoidable travesties, but it does not have to be. It will not be. I will make certain of it. But still...

My frailties are an economic turmoil. It could be that my fears are misguided, but I feel like I have blown more in my life than an actual shot to true happiness. The classic haunts that come to my mind is of Aileen long ago, back to a time of ignorance and innocence, of squidgaming my post-adolescence into needless risks. She was my shame; the one that truly got away.

Until the day is gone, I will sit in regret for all the things that I have done. For all that I have blessed, and all that I have wronged. In dreams, until my death, I will wander on.