So I guess this is good riddance? Hasta la vista? Time sure does fly quicker than one can imagine, that includes the pain and heartache from before. No worries for me. I can't blame the heart that fell last. To be in comfort with the arms of another, how I wonder. How does it start? How does it even finish? Or does it even finish at all? How do you know it exists? How do you know for certain its authenticity? How do you even acknowledge its presence, its fervour, its melancholy?
It slowly creeps in and out of the system, that I know of. It's not like I've never been in this situation. Hopeless romantics are a sight to behold. All that rage, that pent up frustrations, those displacing defence mechanism. Where does it all flow through? Who instigates it? Even the shortest moments, a mere second, may last an entire lifetime, affects you entirely, body and soul, and it becomes you, defines you in every little precise calculation you may or may not do. If you stand up or if you sit down, would one be able to recognise it? If you open your mouth and speak what it is that lingers in your mind, would you realise it is not the you that speaks but the character. Whatever this character is can it still be not you?
Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?
I woke up feeling half-baked today, physically and spiritually, and I'm a drug-free addict since birth. I knew something was unwell the moment people resonated unclear vibes around me at the workplace. 'Tis as if I carry some sort of virus that seethes and chews on those I come in contact with. My zodiac told me to do research and study. I understand the context perfectly but what I don't get is what to research about. I feel like I've been doing this since forever but without results. Mayhap the sense of urgency comes in the form of this wrinkly paper a lot of people seem to take for granted. I started to care. Just a tiny bit to give me a sense of reason. A reason to continue and resist this ginormous tug-o'-war, which is what I struggle to give meaning and value.
If not then someday I will go against what I hoped and aimed for, be the opposite and do things twice as fast and efficient as possible. Ruthless and notorious. Live in infamy. Be a target of ridicule but remain feared. That moment will soon come to a complete suddenness that even myself cannot be able to comprehend.