Dear Zakhar pt. 5

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Sometimes I have to choose between bull and shit. Nothing is a win or lose, everything is a losing situation, especially for you, but I am still trying to rectify that. I am failing badly in every single twist and turn though. It does not help that you are present in the middle of all this. If only you were not. But I cannot wish it. You are the only one that truly matters. If not for you, who could guess what would have been in store. It beats the narrative that perhaps this too shall pass, but no one can tell for sure. Something tells me that the only thing that can outmanoeuvre this great tragedy is you. Because I cannot give up. But part of me now is giving into it so lullingly, exhausted beyond reprieve, and broken beyond measure. My soon to be fear is that you too shall bear the mark of a struggler, then no amount of wishful thinking can save you from what is about to come.

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