Vive y deja vivir

-

Had I been slightly more careless, I could have attained a freedom I yearned for for so long, and yet I missed that opportunity by an inch. Do not fret, I tell myself, for time is of the essence.

Ahh... as I sip my wine contemplating whether or not this new week will bring me bounty or heartache will be up to the clouds. It is always a gamble. You could say gambling was always on the cards. Every single time I have to take a modicum of risk I always remember my father, for he was the one who worked diligently in a casino in the past. But gambling has never been part of my system. Nowadays I hardly take any chances. Anything less than a hundred percent is a no-go. This is precisely why I have been holding myself back, weighing the options, seeing the woods for the trees, or are there anything beyond the wolves or the chupacabra lurking within the swamps? Should I or shouldn't I?

Most of the time I do start to wonder which one of these two will come first: The delectable crashing and burning of my any and everything? Or the swan song magnum opus I have yet to put to words? The former brings me a lot of antioptimism. There is only one way to attain that, and I think she knows what needs be done, and that is a very shitty way of going about it, I do admit, but to each their own. The latter however can happen at anytime, by any metric or speed. Expected or accounted, does not matter. If it happens, it shall be glorious, but the chances of it happening are slim to none. I am doing absolutely nothing in this regard to help me achieve this purpose. Whatever the deal is, the problem lies in my inability to take my own self so fucking seriously. Too many trapped ideas inside my head aching to get out, zero effort or accountability, terribly mismanaged, chronic masturbator and procrastinator, shamelessly parasitic, and lavishly too full of stacked shit. My self whispers to me, I cleaned your fucking mess of a room today, fuckboy, and I respond, half-assedly.

I sip another pretentious taste of wine, Sicilian, to remind myself the glory of love.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Seed is strong

-
If the intention too close to the bone, I would have already done it. Amongst so many attempts, the results always seem to default to close but no cigars. This whole effort is fatiguing, if not intoxicating in equal measures. Tired of all the resistances and the rejections and the mindgames of it all. Otherwise it would have simply been a dire misunderstanding, which is an all too common motif when it comes to me, and apparently shared amongst so many others if I were to be completely blunt. Some of the seedlings have sprouted, even in such short amount of time.
Read more

Man bites dog

-
Trying to make sense of slowly kicking things into gear. Making it make do is harder than it sounds. Feels like a carousel of wanting to go all in and making a mess of it and starting all the way back to zero; tail bites snake, man bites dog. It seems as if this purpose has no purpose tangentially, but it is slowly working its way back up, I do believe. Only in the chaos of it all does one permit itself the meaning of its purpose, to pick it up amongst the debris while all else is suffering intraordinarily, as it should be. No matter what the chaos brings, even the brittle mortality herein that is slowly withering.
Read more

Moonlight shines upon the guilty and innocent alike

-
Image
The sky tore its veil wide open, gasping, at the severe penalty of the accursed weather condition. 'I must not weep,' it cries. 'This pity party is never my most appealing trait.' Therefore he gave way for the ground to mature and thus making progress at the marvel of the greens. He stood on top overseeing the bounties its children may yet offer at the behest of the moon whose mischievous master ever burns brightly at the break of day. It gave way for life to flourish thus organisms began to roam the earth. Different species abound immediately at the development caused by the sky, and his pride bloomed even moreso, drawing more air into its cloudy bodies and helped sustained the new world around it. Like a nurturing mother whose task was to manifest love, it sparks its potential, hearken to their pious needs, and punishment for their indiscretions. Long lived harmony and prosperity. Burning for a reason to thrill, the sky willed itself to aim more higher in its desire
Read more