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Face First

Dark days are behind me now. Those moments linger for awhile and never let go, but I have managed to rise above. Miriam and I have grown stronger in the process, perhaps unwillingly so. We both do have our separate and individual fears for each other. Most of what it is is unfounded, even petty and makes no sense whatsoever. We disagree on so many things and we have very little in common, yet here we remain and persevere, as if the fate of our lives rests on each other's laurels. Now we have rediscovered our love for one another. For most days, that is enough for me to know and be happy about.

I was wrong to allow myself to be complacent, and yet I know for certain it will one day repeat, not just once, but over and over again. I was wrong to assume that she would understand me, in whatever it is that I do, without due explanation, because she loved me. That I took love as an excuse to be lazier than I already am, pretending it is a currency that I could pull out whenever it pleases me so. I suppose my crime here is allowing myself to be consumed by hubris, that I could overpower everything that I see fit. Needless to say, I am wrong in these assessments, and perhaps, for me to propel forward, I must raise a toast to the pain that creeps inside me.

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