Skip to main content

Cool Hand Fluke

One year passed: Old flames rekindle. Is this some sort of a twisted joke? On the dark, freezing twilight she swerves on the highway. Immediately an impulse to attack. Her head tilts to my view. Attack me, no, she thinks, I know him! Wha-- It's you! Smiles illuminated the space. Fruitful hi's and hello's. Usual. Bit shaken, I am. Can't tell if it's from the weather or the suddenness of it all. She's still as sparkling as carbonated water as ever. Love. Not again. I kicked my ass awake. Listen, she speaks, and speaks a whole lot. She's happy. Then a broken smile. Not totally happy, I guess. That's good. There's room to fill the gap. That's my take anyway. We speak and speak, I could speak with her the night away. For me the smile was enough. Her awkward voice, not to mention. Oh miss it, dearly do I.

Then we went our separate ways. Love burning? No idea. Lost my purchases in the tube station. Dark Souls. Fuck it. Fuck it all. Ruined the mood. Butterflies in my stomach. Is this it? My fingers start to shake. Why? Why is it like this? Retarded, you are. I want to sleep with a lullaby. But I'm scared.

Was it only just a fluke?

Popular posts from this blog

Unprayer

Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.

Me: Things that have happened to other people are happening in mine, the worst truly has come and not a moment too soon

My important wishes always happen to fall on deaf ears, and now something really, really bad (that has already happened before) is happening to me again. Beneath all the charade of misleading coulrotic bliss is a sad sap of a man merely wanting a bit of trust from everyone around him. Yesterday's news was Mioseon all over again, and it has drained me of all strength. The worst really has come, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.
So it goes without saying that the biggest tragedy I have ever undergone in my life is fighting for the life of my child whose face I will never see. The most perplexing event was having to beg over and over unknowingly oblivious to the fact that my words carry no weight at all. Mioseon had trapped me into a corner and made me complicit to a sin I tried very hard to disavow. Regardless, she had found a way, and judging from that experience, Miriam herself will submit me to the same torture all over again, guilty by association.
For some reason this wa…

Me: At ease, the worst of the worst has yet to come

The wind was cold today, a Sunday, a proper start to September. We are within these months again. The road to the end of a very short year. A year for me where very little was accomplished. At the very least, compared to the previous one, this was a surprise blessing. Not without its challenges. Not without its pains.
Miriam went to work an hour ago. We left each other at Starbucks after a mild break. I was trying to help her with the buses. She never seems to catch on with the intricacies of the public transportation. I let her know that the easiest (not necessarily the fastest) way to work is to take the 260 bus from across the street in our new place in East Acton and stop at the underground station in Shepherds Bush. From there, she can then take bus 94 going to Piccadilly Circus where she can easily walk to her workplace in Soho in about five minutes or so.
She begged me to join her. I was still groggy and asleep at two in the afternoon. That seems to be our common waking up pat…