Skip to main content


"I hardly knew you, my love. And quite frankly, the blood that flows within me dictates that I never even loved you in the first place."

He took his cigarette from the ashtray and stared at it long enough to put it out without having to puff on it. The shadows grabbed him from behind and sucked him in. The woman that sat in front of him watched in horror as the darkness beheld him as if it was alive and caressing, like a woman full in vain. Her insufficiencies to counter such scares were next to nothing as she could only watch and tremble from a distance, and in that one moment she watched him dive into obscurity. Regret drowned her eyes, and in despair, they were together.

She stood up and clenched one fist, "There is no denying your insubstantial claim. But lest you forget it, I do this for both our behalf. The stars drag your body elsewhere, while I remain basked in the cold graces of night."

"And you look at me now drenched in darkness while you speak of light overflowing me."

"No. I speak figuratively and not of current events that are supposed to frighten me senseless. And I am, surely, but I cannot allow such a thing to continually pursue my rational thoughts. The shadows that lay behind you are a manifestation of your anger. An anger directed towards me. That fuels you endlessly the more we find each other in sight. Let me be free as you wish, and allow time to kill this memory of ours."

A bodiless arm appeared from his knees and touched the ground blindly creeping its way onward as if in search for something. Meanwhile, he was in no more mood for talking. His eyes glowed red with rage, burning of want to vengeance.

She realizes the thought and preemptively counters the judgment, "You wish me dead, but the whispers in your heart speak something of a different sort. Tell me, what is it that you seek?"

His defensive eyes were blatantly obvious. "I do not seek an 'it' but a 'she'."

"And you seek 'she' dead, is it not?"

His smirk gave a resounding yes. 

"Then do it."

The smirk dissipated in the air as the threat overwhelms his proud spirit. The moment he pushed his chest in the air, he knew he was in for a long ride. But the shadows that counsel his mind were patient, and would rather spend an eternity in wait than be tortured by the concept of loss.

He lifts one leg away from the bodiless arm below and inches closer to the woman in the shade, "You do not mock me, my love. Not anymore, not ever since. Your words are as empty as your soul. You speak of death like a commodity, how do you live bearing that thought? Have you no respect or dignity? What have those stomach of yours been digesting? Were you not aware my emotion is but transient and foolish? Regret does not consume me, nor do the thoughts of us in bed and fucking. My only concern is of your potential, and your potential exceeds far greater than my own desires for your immediate demise. Wake up to the sounds of darkness as guidance. Evil does not dread if the intention is for the greater good, therefore there is not such thing as absolute, because even the worst has worth to make better even better given the circumstances. That is where you come in."

"I do not fully understand. And I do not intend to understand. I know your intentions, and believe you insincere. This folly does not make sense."

"Follies need not make sense. That is the wonderful idea about it. Mirror that mind of yours and see as I see, and learn."

Popular posts from this blog


Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.

Me: Things that have happened to other people are happening in mine, the worst truly has come and not a moment too soon

My important wishes always happen to fall on deaf ears, and now something really, really bad (that has already happened before) is happening to me again. Beneath all the charade of misleading coulrotic bliss is a sad sap of a man merely wanting a bit of trust from everyone around him. Yesterday's news was Mioseon all over again, and it has drained me of all strength. The worst really has come, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.
So it goes without saying that the biggest tragedy I have ever undergone in my life is fighting for the life of my child whose face I will never see. The most perplexing event was having to beg over and over unknowingly oblivious to the fact that my words carry no weight at all. Mioseon had trapped me into a corner and made me complicit to a sin I tried very hard to disavow. Regardless, she had found a way, and judging from that experience, Miriam herself will submit me to the same torture all over again, guilty by association.
For some reason this wa…

Me: At ease, the worst of the worst has yet to come

The wind was cold today, a Sunday, a proper start to September. We are within these months again. The road to the end of a very short year. A year for me where very little was accomplished. At the very least, compared to the previous one, this was a surprise blessing. Not without its challenges. Not without its pains.
Miriam went to work an hour ago. We left each other at Starbucks after a mild break. I was trying to help her with the buses. She never seems to catch on with the intricacies of the public transportation. I let her know that the easiest (not necessarily the fastest) way to work is to take the 260 bus from across the street in our new place in East Acton and stop at the underground station in Shepherds Bush. From there, she can then take bus 94 going to Piccadilly Circus where she can easily walk to her workplace in Soho in about five minutes or so.
She begged me to join her. I was still groggy and asleep at two in the afternoon. That seems to be our common waking up pat…