Catch-22

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Plan B failed.

It is difficult to separate the image of a person associated with the place and the place itself, and no matter where I go I am beseeched by this person's echoes. Nowhere in this island is safe, so long as I am here. I have never felt my radar beat louder, knowing that that person is closer to me than ever before, and yet impossible, even for a hello, even a glimpse, even a shadow.

Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging mayroong paraan.

As I lay out these feelings I start to feel the fear of consequences, because whenever I feel strongly about something, in my experience, nothing good ever comes of it. One could justify that I may be right, but to the detriment of one's happiness, none of it is worth the pain. Honesty is good when it serves you well, and not when in a Catch-22.

I was so happy before I left London -- and happier and more excited than ever been in my life -- but this trip has not worked out as well as I hoped it would be. I try. So very hard. 

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