Lazy from C-Z

First of all, happy new year, my lovely, technological companion! So I've been using this nifty new application from the App Store recently since it was announced in Gizmodo that it was going to be free all throughout January. It's called Runkeeper. It's kind of like that Nike + iPod thing only better, I don't need some button or something in my shoe. It records the distance, the calories burned (lol), it even has music, and it records the route you've partaken and utilises Google Maps (I think) for easy pointers. It's really neat. I'm loving this simple New Year's resolution for myself, try it! Think about it, it's like Facebook for healthy people (or not).

Infatuation with the dark usually stems from the desire to step away from the concept of love without having to compromise the love that is already within one's self. It usually is created to fill the gaps between sorrow, depression and that idea of longing for someone or something either intentional or involuntary. The longer the time lapses, the larger the consequences take its toll upon that said person and it usually begins in a scornful way, much more so when the vulnerability of the victim is at its lowest point. There begins that lingering idea of suicide, sadomasochism and most common among its vile ways, use of drugs. But there are some of those that survive that moment in time without succumbing to the treachery of human stain. These people form a bond with themselves greater than the bond they usually share with their parents, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, sometimes even God Himself. The central idea that forms within that person begins to make an understanding of ...

I struggle even with the simplest of things. I find it difficult to follow simple arithmetic. I am highly instinctive and my instincts are usually selfish, what is outside of its realm deserves no gratitude of any sort. I am not without common sense though, but sometimes I feel that with me being this pretentious, it feels as though what I pretend moulds into what I become, nasty as it may be, and I lost it all, every simple matters and treasures I have had. Relationships, opportunities, money, career, any materialistic possessions I could have had. Looking back at things there certainly were moments where I felt life took its own detour. Early retirement, the 'restaurant' (if they insist), the home incident, London aspirations, nurses and failure debarment, independence, up to this point, none of it were as painful as trying to remember the incident before it all happened. The blissful everyday life routine, the fresh scent of pigeons in the morning underneath our mango tree...

Neutral by Cil Rand "I'm not shy but this is different. I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight."

Wall-e by Cil Rand

Although my holiday, despite not having finished yet, is arguably the worst I have ever had, a blessing in disguise in the form of an old flame came out of nowhere and surprised me with a hello and that was that. I now have reason to keep going again. I cannot justify the intention of that said person for contacting me but I feel obliged to be very fortunate of being remembered even as far as my birthday in two or three months' time. We were almost without communication for a year or so due to miscommunication and my pathetic excuse for a joke that ended up in a sour tone which eventually led to our demise. She was as pure as a dove, in search for the bountiful loots life has in offer, and I was a rogue looking for some gold and damsel to abuse. But she changed me in lots of ways normal people would not dare go beyond into especially when you talk about my relationships with people in the past. It's a huge step and a big rebound to my optimism, but sadly, like all other sad lov...

Nothing yet but I'm on to it. I don't know what to expect or do but hopefully get some things going. Not shopping again? Sigh.

.. to me.

Today I am going talk about nothing because that's all there is really. What is it about nothingness that is so alluring most people have it but also doesn't have it at the same time? And is there a choice whether or not you are lucky or unlucky to be one of the very many chosen ones to suffer the same fate? I will try to avoid speaking intellectually for the sake of the masses, not that I'm implying I have any, but to make it a lot more easier and simpler for all the busybodies out there unaware of the possibilities that someday life will also be nothing for them. What is it that drives us? What is it that does not? Nothing. A word so empty yet full of definition. Make something out of nothing kind of philosophy. Will there be any chance of irrefutable evidence that nothing is also something? How about everything ? Ironically, nothing is something because it is most often used as an indefinite pronoun. Therefore, it stands for something, whatever nothing is, or it is no...

You're perfect, yes, it's true... but without me, you're only you. Imagine (no pun intended) John Lennon without Yoko. That would be.. gasp! I feel the urge to defecate as I write this but I withhold it for a little while longer. Meanwhile, I really would want to rest my head somehow seeing as that I have spent almost twelve long hours soaked into this tiny otherworldly thing most people would call a 'laptop' and coincidentally enough, it is on top of my lap and belly button while I lie in my light-deprived bed and the telly staring at me for hours now doing nothing and showing nothing as well. What a charmer I am, trying to lure out the scum that the world ever so needed. Hello scum, welcome to my world now where you can find your vivid imaginations come to life in the form of mutilated fungus and deformed fingernails consumed and enjoyed for pleasure in this not-so-alluring twisted and deluded fantasy of mine. The clown has woke up, it's time for bed. Milk a...

Honour lost amongst thieves Buried within the windy leaves The friction of pain one receives Nothing compared to what he believes What it is that life for him gives Depends on what he plans and weaves

Good old mercy free from sin Cast out demons from within Red stars light out and about Cleanse the infidels of their doubt Redemption comes to those who win

Wow, the days cannot be any more slower and unproductive than this. This fucking sucks. I revolt against myself! How dare I! When I grow up I want to drink coffee and have lots of children, eat pancakes for dinner, and drive my own bicycle. That's ambition for me. Fuck. You. Fuck. Me. I wish.

... after long months of not being able to, either because I lack the sufficient funds to do so or I simply have no longer control of my time as I divulge myself fully to my newfound interest, theatre. First of all I had no intention of going shopping. I didn't have enough before I woke up this morning. My utmost priority was mainly to resolve the internal conflict going on with regards to my visa renewal. I did the biometrics thing at Elephant and Castle which was eerily deja vu, like I was back at Manila for a couple of minutes. I tried hard not to be anxious and nervous but I can't help especially after the dude told me I had lots of bad prints on my first try. I had to go to the washroom and wash my filthy hands. Only God knows (and me) where it has been for the past couple of days, and I wouldn't want to tell you myself. It's a personal secret. I went back and I, unsure whether or not fortunate, finally got it partially right having only two left questionable finge...

Mulled by wine and steel the suffering has been stifled and weakened. The blacksmiths have abandoned their crafts at long last. With their wives and children they set forth to the neighbouring kingdom of Villarosa where our hope awaits and defends. Along with warriors and rogues, thieves and fools alike, we march. Although, I understand, it was never intended to be easy. There were innumerable obstacles in store for us. Weather. The frozen tundras were the only way forward and we had no option but to move along. The extreme chill pierced through our skin and left half of the people in agony and gloom. There was no talking along the way, everyone's teeth were preoccupied in rattling. Not to mention the rabid mammals who were lurking behind the icicles with their eyes intent on making dinner made of human flesh. The blanched bears and silver wolves hunted us as if we were prey, and we were at that moment vulnerable. I had to stand up and defend my people from countless creatures of...

That's still tomorrow. Actually, I thought it was today. I dressed up for nothing! Oh well.

Countdown to Christmas and New Year has always been the liveliest time of year. Not for me, not for me. I'm an exception. It's always one step different with me. I believe it has been almost five long years of celebrating the holidays alone, and although I may not be sincerely miserable, there is no denying a tinge of hurt in my sensitivity. Now is the first time I get to be with my 'loved ones,' if for some mocking chance that pair of words truly exist, and I feel that rabid urge to cling on to whatever it is that was left of the past analogies I had of life and growing up. In other and simpler words, I just want to be alone. I don't want to be with them. Not that I hate them, well, I do a little bit, but still. I want to go somewhere else if possible. I want to live life as it should be lived, and that constant denial of joy will never go unanswered especially when part of me is involved in it. I guarantee there will be anything but peace on Earth during this year...

Sad that I suck at cooking It matters not no more Techniques can be taught That's what Thomas is for I have to hurry up I have to leave in a few Must have my shower soon The clock's telling me to

The scratch he sustained from the various bodily range of motions he conjured begins to swell and turn all the more red. With use of the first aid kit found at his own humble abode he decides to disinfect the wound with alcohol and a band aid which belonged to his old folk who was asleep when he decided to have a grab at it without permission, and why not if for the good purpose. He hurt his body from too much exertion, can barely bend his back and abdominal regions. Everything seemed to hurt him, including his acquaintances which he found slightly bearable depending on circumstance. He had a fragile emotion, ever changing in every moment he can. It hurt him most after reading the morning zodiac informing him of later success and happiness at the end of each day which never seems to occur at all. He is once again irked by the actions of a previously nice female acquaintance who recently became a stuck-up bitch with pimples and square head. Her countenance reminded him of a classic car...

Ohh my God... Baby you done took this... to another level! Now a neighbourhood nigga like me ain't supposed to be gettin no pussy like this Damn, damn!, who thought you how to get sexy (Ceezy taught me) You never use to talk dirty, but now you damn disgusting. My, my God, where'd you learn that? (Ceezy taught me) Look at you... naked... with them... Jimmy Choo's off. Who thought you how to put some... Jimmy Choo's on? (Ceezy taught me) Yo, you took your game up a whole 'nother level, this is some Cirque 'u Soleil now! You done went all porno on it, k. And I, and I love it... And I thank you, I thank you, my dick thanks you! How did you learn, how... how did your game come up? (Ceezy taught me) I was... parts of your pussy I never... before. I was in there like, oo, I never been here before. I've never even seen this part of town before. It's like you got this... re-upholstered or something. What the fuck happened? Who, who the fuck got your pussy all re-...