Lazy from C-Z

Would there have been any easier way to say it, I would, but there really is not. I swam all the way back to square one. An inch farther from where I was when I had lost everything in a fell swoop. My only hope is to do this one better than the last time around. The whole process of spiritual recuperation really is as exhausting as I had imagined it to be. On top of that there is an uneasy feeling in the background that nothing is still tagged to end, meaning all that came before now has the potential to smack me right back in. Where I was, at my most miserable, but only this time this loss completely destroys me permanently. Wherever I go I fear the smell of rabbits, of bulls, and of stars, and anything resembling niceties. Nothing nice is ever really nice. Everything nice comes at a cost. I still stand tall, eager for the new, but scarred so very internally that the mere feeling of microrejection bites me hard, and it coils me into foetal, and wallowing into self-despair becomes my o...

To live, and to breathe, in the fortune of sadness, To die, in the solace of an old soul's another; To walk, in the shadow of someone else's heartbreak, And to struggle, when the moon chases for cold blood. Redemption comes to us all; but, for all of its glory, is only ever sweeter for the wicked.

1.               INT. ROSE'S HOUSE     -     NIGHT Five persons sit at the dinner table. The ambience is somewhat awkward and gloomy. ROSE sits beside her boyfriend THEO, her sister, ELISE, sits by herself across the table. Their father PETE sits at the head of the table, and his wife MORGAN on the other side of table. MORGAN The turkey should be ready by now. ELISE Don't worry about it, mum. I'll go take it myself. Elise walks over to the kitchen. ROSE Mum, dad, me and Theo have something to tell you. PETE ( chewing ) What is it? ROSE Theo and I... we're going to Madrid in spring next year. We're going to find a place of our own, find jobs. Well, I'm finding a job. Theo's already found one as a chef de partie in a restaurant, and I want to do something related to HR. MORGAN That... sounds amazing, Rose. A bit unexpected. Pete continues to eat, just staring, listening in. THEO Rose always wanted to go to Madrid. I can be blamed...

Time after time Nothing that I can do Knowing your ways and Loving your ways But not getting through at all For a bit, I had gotten used to the sky and its alluring blue. I had forgotten how it is to walk the earth, to toil, to sow, and for the past few days I had purposefully wanted to forget a lot of things, to lose myself once again to a fit of berserk. Some days I convince myself that this is worth it, and some days I tell myself it is all a fluke. In the cradle of this verdant external embrace, it had just been a sweet few days, but in the anxiety-ridden internal struggle of my heart, its rok had been eternal. I have never ever been more tired merely resting.  Day after day Leaving the past behind Coming to terms with Stitches and burns and Learning to fly again

The cold season has come. No longer will I be able to wear my flip flops out and about. Shame. I adore the chill of the wind, it burns. The walls in the watchtower of my senses beckon against the silence. "If I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great and would suffice." I do have to hurry. There is a small meeting I have to do, and I must needs, at the very least, look the part. Why am I thinking of bulls? That's because rabbits are hideous beasts. All they do is multiply by the dozens and hop really fast. Bulls on the other hand are strength in one. Bulls are prohibited inside a china shop, but rabbits are welcomed, for they become feast. Bulls feast upon china, dancing to the tune of cling and clang. In three minutes I have to go. The thought of ice and bulls excite me. It has given me a whole new reason for being, renewed, and revitalised. I will be back again.