Lazy from C-Z

It was a stunning defeat as me and my father had our mouths open wide in disbelief as Manny fell face first to the canvas. My heart was undoubtedly broken and spirit crushed like a bug squashed by the palm of a gargantuan human being. Such tragedies should never have come, but things like these are to be anticipated in big bouts in sports like boxing. It had silenced us both. I still was in the middle of a sentence when the moment had come. Twice then, first when he fell on the third and at the moment of truth. I grit my teeth in both disappointment and anger, praying for it to be mere folly. No. It was over just like that. Our smiles were less and my mouth absent of breath. A sad day for the Philippines, another day at work.

It's harder when I think that life and love is easier when the parties involved are in the same spectrum of the relationship. The truth is, I always get hurt more often than not. It's not because we are in disagreement with one another, but it's because I find out I could never really be fully me. The adjustments are difficult to endure. I barely slept after finally catching winks while having lunch. The entire night was spent sulking over trivial sexual mis-pursuits. It was then that I wanted to make her feel that I am deeply disappointed with myself and the both of us for not trying harder and for being hard-pressed to try to understand what each of us were thinking at that particular moment. It's funny how when I look back now I always seem to think I myself am the bad guy, when in fact all I ever wanted was an extra more affection. How hard can that be in a mutual relationship between lovers? And so when I wake up four or five hours or so, there she was sitting

Yesterday's plan of November yet survives but is put on hold. I have lost valuable assets during my months-long travel and it doesn't feel right to just depend upon memory to retain all that I have sweated blood for to compile, and such travesty's a big shame, for the whole fault is mine. I've left behind more than half of my valuables to carelessness and unfortunate circumstances. It would take quite awhile to regain all that lost information, if I could still ever. I even have a replacement Moleskine to aid my purpose in writing, although not even that could redeem me from my faded fortune. What I need is a whole set of skill, plenty of testimonies, and an eidetic memory. Time starts now. The world awaits.

For all it's worth, December is finally here at long last, and I am five days too late. There are things -- mundane things -- that have come and gone, experienced soiled and spoiled, shared and grieved. I've brought upon myself home a full dufflebag with a live mind inside, living and breathing, poised for a lifelong disarray. One thing to remind myself that there is danger in my words and actions, even moreso when prompted by rage and desperation. There is happiness in this, I whisper to myself, and everything seems to be forgotten. And then finally I've learned how to mature.