First day of the filming went smooth albeit short. Never mind, I'm just happy to be gifted with talents surrounding me and helping me develop into a budding and aspiring artist and artist-ician. Chapa is an amazing three-piece band, must-hear. Check them out at Chapa.
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
It is with deep regret and anxiety as I begin writing this update. I know that my inevitable demise would soon come to a sudden strike. I wholeheartedly accept it as my own and frankly am eager of the new and excitingly different things in store for me in the future. The thing is I really am unfortunate in things that make me blissfully complete. Just as I am about to finish the studio, a whole thing comes along in the form of a woman, someone so special to me and so endearing I'd probably bleed a bucket just to make her smile an inch. I am very saddened and embittered by the suddenness of this fiasco and I want to cling on to whatever is left of this, no matter what the cost. I don't want to compromise anything but if need be I will. Just show me a sign or whatever, please give me effort to do the things that I normally can't and will not. All will be taken for granted, I promise you that. Fuck the world, in with love.
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Monday, 13 September 2010
Saturday, 11 September 2010
Friday, 10 September 2010
It's been quite awhile since I last woke up on a very early morning... without intending it, of course. I woke up today seven with the sounds of my mother's cockamamie tantrum about a missing camera that I intentionally set aside on the corner without saying anything. She was bazonkers as cuckoo! I fucking hate it when she does that. I wanted to go back to my slumber but after everything how could I? I can't wait to leave this putrid hellhole, my independence can't coming any fucking closer.
In as much as I hate to admit it, I can honestly say right now that I want to be loved more than any other thing. Fuck, wimminz can be such pains in the ass. Everywhere and everytime it is as if there's someone coming over and knocks me off my feet. It's embarrassing and not something I normally would want to say. Some things are unbelievably cruel and sad, methinks. I just wanted to be more honest and frank to myself if I am acting the same way when dealing with other people.
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Friday, 3 September 2010
She never spoke much about herself and yet shared everything to me. She makes me feel good and that's all that mattered. I never tried asking her for anything other than what she was willing to share. The moment I met her I told her I like her. That was one of the few first words I had to her. She enjoyed it, probably for the attention, but I didn't mind. I did like her. After that she made me all the more weaker with desire. She talked to me about tiny, little pieces of her life, love and family. She never told me her birthday though. I shrugged, wanting to laugh and sigh at the same time. She knows a lot of dialects and familiar with foreign ones. That was how it started, this newborn friendship. She speaks to me in detail her aspirations and heartaches. Who was I to say no? I was entranced by her mystical aura. She writes well too, something that I feel is being drained from me. She gives me reason to be something else. She shares to me her room and her shoes, not minding the mess brought on by her sofa as she drags it down the stairs. Such silliness captivated me with a lukewarm feeling of admiration.
A beginning of something wonderful.
So there's this dilemma I have with writing. I want to write but I can't. It's because all the ideas start drifting away. They don't want me anymore. They despise me. They loathe me. Then my vocabulary goes along with it. I'm growing dumber by the minute and it scares me. Gone were the days when ideas start pouring in and out of my head as if they were breakfast. Trouble is I don't eat breakfasts. I was always a morning crammer. Sometimes I even forget to take a shower or else I'll be late for class. And still I'm late for class. I arrive, quiz is over. End of my career.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
To be frank about this, I really have no idea what to say. I'm currently sitting on my bed as I have been doing for the past week now since this is part of my two-week holiday from class. This bumming isn't what I was hoping to do but since here I am, making the most out of it even barely making sense out of it, I'll just let it slip and hope to God everything will be for the better on the long run.
My head is feeling numb recently. As if a cacophony of discreet mobile vibrations were inside it, moving about and figuring out a way to dissect into my subconscious. It's a very annoying feeling, without any substance at all except misery and pain. I can't even use it to write the intended scripts properly. It's a curse, it is. This house. I just feel it in my gut. I know it.
Not all is bad though. Sometimes happiness comes in the form of invisible happiness from far away. Take, for instance: Johanna. Finally got herself to Finland all the way from Idaho. Such a lovely friend I met roaming around crawling the vast, tangled web. I was hooked the first moment I had with her, and never has this ever occurred to me. Never.
People can be nice in their own ways. There is this particular person whom I can't even slightly remember the name, but she sketched me something special. Something simple yet so appreciating to receive. This silly caricature of my alter-ego Paprika. Well I would have named her that directly if not for other people stealing that name in the process. Here it is in all its glory:
Now that the small pieces of the puzzle has cleared up, I think it's safe to assess the value of time. I was never good at making use of the time vested upon me, nor I think I will find any solution to this conflict of interest, but I think I can manage somehow. Not knowing when or how becomes the fundamental flaw however. As soon as my beauty rest comes to a full stop after this then I will try to figure something out. Hopefully make things a whole lot easier for all of us.
I have to worry as well on making something up for my pals in Saturday. Brazilian BBQ night all over again! Marvellous idea! I'm bringing something up on the table though I am not certain as to how I will be making the whole thing by myself. I need guidance by people familiar to this food mixing hullabaloo. My skills are far better off just the one consuming, but it would be shameful not to put my roundabout for others to enjoy. It's not like they've been taking from me my entire life since the get-go. I have to go and do groceries, and damn if I know what to buy for certain.